It has been far far too long since I have blogged. It has been a busy few weeks around here and I suspect things will only get busier with the holidays here.

I had a great time cooking with my parents and thanksgiving. It was low key and relaxing this year. I promise Pictures soon!

No new news in the job front. I have been really trusting in the Lord and what his plan is for me. I have come to the strong realization that God has me where he wants me right now and I need to have a good attitude about it. I got great news this week that a friend very close and dear to me will be moving in with me. I'm excited to have my bills cut in half and to have someone around! :) This is a blessing!

I'm heading south for Christmas this year and looking forward to it so much~
This woman needs some time away with my family to rejuvenate and relax!

Overall life is good and God is great and i'm truly blessed and that's the sweetest :)

STRENGTH IS OF SERVICE, NOT STATUS

These past couple weeks, I have been attacked so much. Satan--your such a idiot.

Because I serve a God that overcomes everything you set in my way that would try and destroy me. I serve a Jesus that gives me strength and provides for my needs.

The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.

Exodus 15:2

I think one of the hardest things to do is to Trust and wait on Jesus. It's tough being a woman who feels responsible for the HOW. But I know Jesus is just saying, roxanne, Let me figure that out. In the flesh, I want to control things sometimes and just want things to happen now. It's hard to just sit and wait and trust in the Lord. I know he has a greater plan and something way better than where I am at for a job right now and I need to keep telling myself everyday, FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS. FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS, FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS.

Im studying through Deuteronomy right now and it's a quite simple truth that I'm realizing...

If we live for him and follow his commandments and serve him, then he will bless us and keep his covenant with us and continue to lavish us with his loving kindness.

If you pay attention to these laws and are careful to follow them, then the LORD your God will keep his covenant of love with you, as he swore to your forefathers. 13 He will love you and bless you and increase your numbers. He will bless the fruit of your womb, the crops of your land—your grain, new wine and oil—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks in the land that he swore to your forefathers to give you. 14 You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless, nor any of your livestock without young. 15 The LORD will keep you free from every disease. He will not inflict on you the horrible diseases you knew in Egypt, but he will inflict them on all who hate you. 16 You must destroy all the peoples the LORD your God gives over to you. Do not look on them with pity and do not serve their gods, for that will be a snare to you.
DEUTERONOMY 7:12-16.

I don't know about you but thats a pretty awesome promise from the LORD. I think this is why its so important that we be in the Word everyday and spend time with Jesus because life is hard and we need to be reminded of how good God is, to not forget that if we follow him he will be faithful to us. My soul finds rest in this.

There one upside good thought about being attacked by the devil. Yes, you know your on the right track. Your on the right road to following Jesus. I would be concerned if I wasn't being attacked almost in a sense.

I will trust in You
I will hold to what is true
That You see the weakest through
Every trial
I will cling to You
Each day I pledge it new
My imperfect gratitude
From now on

I am a rag doll
Made of strings and yarns
Each day a new thread
Is torn from me
And as I come apart at the seams
My hands raise up and I fall to my knees
Please hold me and sew me back together again

I can feel so old
Like I've seen too much
All my hope has been squeezed dry
Like some worn-out sponge
And as I am used up and spilled empty
You fill me up with a sweet certainty
Please keep me filled and never to be thirsty again

And as my tiny steps lead to freedom's strides
Keep a watchful eye over me
Lest I trip and fall
I know I will

I will trust in You
Each day I pledge it new
My imperfect gratitude
From now on

For Such a Time as this.....

That's what the Lord keeps telling me. I had an AHA moment while spending time with him. He revealed to me he brought me this far and he not going to just leave me. He has something better for me but it's not the right time! What a concept right!?!?

sO....For such a time as this I will trust and wait....

On another note, I rent a one bedroom from my sister. It's actually connected to her apartment. Her boyfriend a DJ and I constantly am woken up by loud, bass music vibrating my walls. Being that I work nights, I feel like half my sleeping is spent on the couch. To add in another disturbing detail: They smoke a lot of pot and it travels into my vents and I cannot stand the smell! I have more candles in my place than the average person, I promise. This week I told her that I will most likely be moving out. Im praying that I find a different place at a reasonable price or find a room to rent from someone and that my sister reacts well to the situation.

Yes, another posting of a seriously amazingly yummy dish, Cranberry Chicken!







This dish turned out to be great!

Recipe:
1 Jar of Catalina French Dressing
2 Packets of French Onion Soup Mix
1 Can of Cranberries
Chicken Breasts


Mix together Catalina dressing, french onion soup mix, and cranberries.
I recommend using Chicken tenders. Brown the chicken you use in a pan. Then place chicken in an oven safe baking dish. Then Pour the mix over the chicken. I pour a little sauce in the dish and then add the chicken and then pour the rest of the sauce on top of the chicken. Bake for 30 minutes at 350.

I serve with rice pilaf and a vegetable of choice

It's Tough Being a Woman!!!!

Four hours of sleep and a heart that's been gripped by fear this week. A week of being attacked by the devil in every way! Oh how exhausting. Am I strong or am I spoiled?

I get ready for bible study, not really feeling like I want to go due to so little sleep, but going because I know I need to be there.

It's tough being a woman in the giant tight fist of fear. But how about that we are engraved on God's palm? We don't have to be so fearful! God whispers to me, "I want to deliver you and EMPOWER you my child. The grace I give you is based on your need. Don't fear things that you conjure up in your mind. I am I am."

I sat at the table, vulnerable. That's hard to do sometimes when your in front of some people you do not know. Tears ran down my face as the women surrounded me and interceded in prayer for me. I was tired, hurt, and didn't want to fight anymore. God whispering to my heart, Roxanne!!! Roxanne!! Listen to me!!! I'll fight for you! Reach your hands up, all the way up. Give me your burden and I'll give you the weapon.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Why is it so hard to surrender sometimes? We should be running to give everything to Jesus. It's hard to let go of that control.

However, the Lord your God..turned the curse, the negative thing that the Devil would love to destroy you with, God has turned into a blessing for you, because the Lord your God LOVES you!HE LOVES YOU! HE LOVES YOU!!

This is a big lesson I have learned this past summer. God took my curse and turned it into a blessing.

Jesus Jesus Jesus,
Give my strength. I pray that I would resemble you oh Lord. Help me to FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT for my life in you! Build my armor up that I would be ready. I put my hands up! I love love love you Jesus. My soul Finds rest in you alone.

From the Inside Out, My Soul cries out!

God is changing my life! Can I get an Amen! :)

As I was going through Day 5 of my Esther Study, I was blown away at all the things God was showing me. Some days are like revelations and others you still learn things.

Sitting on the couch, candles lit, heater on, bundled up in my blanket, bible open eagerly awaiting what I will learn today. I read A time of Happiness. A thing we all long for. To hear another woman of God(Beth Moore) say Life is Hard. Amen, it sure hands us some tough things. She says, When God intervenes and we get a chance to know we're blessed and to feel blessed, nothing is more appropriate than seizing the happy moment!! So true my friends!

I relate to this day in the study so much. I believe when we are surrounded by negative circumstances, we sometimes think we aren't liable or aloud to be happy. But what am I saying to Jesus when I sing blessed be your name when I'm found in the desert place, when I'm lost in the wilderness. Life is hard but the beauty of this is that still in hard times, Jesus can provide joy, gladness, and happiness. We are to revel in that always!

I have experienced a dramatic Esther Reversal in the past 6 months. God wants to reverse our emotions and circumstances but we have to let him.


A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out


Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

Yesterday was an awesome day filled with fun, great food, and awesome friends.



We loved face painting with some banana



So naughty and soo cute at the same time



I LOVE TO COOK AND BAKE! It's a big passion of mine! I know my domestic ness will be a great thing someday :)





I am pretty impressed with my creation at this point



Some amazing girls in my life :)



Cooking magazine cover picture perhaps? lol



Perfection! So pretty!



This was a cake I made from scratch for a friend's birthday! It was so good! Makes me want to open a bakery someday!

Here is the recipe for anyone who wants to make the pumpkin cheesecake roll.

CAKE:

1/4 cup powdered sugar (to sprinkle on towel)
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 large eggs
1 cup granulated sugar
2/3 cup LIBBY'S® 100% Pure Pumpkin
1 cup walnuts, chopped (optional)

PREHEAT oven to 375°F. Grease 15 x 10-inch jelly-roll pan; line with wax paper. Grease and flour paper. Sprinkle a thin, cotton kitchen towel with powdered sugar.

COMBINE flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves and salt in small bowl. Beat eggs and granulated sugar in large mixer bowl until thick. Beat in pumpkin. Stir in flour mixture. Spread evenly into prepared pan.

BAKE for 13 to 15 minutes or until top of cake springs back when touched. (If using a dark-colored pan, begin checking for done ness at 11 minutes.) Immediately loosen and turn cake onto prepared towel. Carefully peel off paper. Roll up cake and towel together, starting with narrow end. Cool on wire rack.

FILLING:

1 pkg. (8 oz.) cream cheese, at room temperature
1 cup powdered sugar, sifted
6 tablespoons butter, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Powdered sugar (optional for decoration)

BEAT cream cheese, 1 cup powdered sugar, butter and vanilla extract in small mixer bowl until smooth. Carefully unroll cake. Spread cream cheese mixture over cake. Reroll cake. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate at least one hour. Sprinkle with powdered sugar before serving, if desired.

Be sure to put enough powdered sugar on the towel when rolling up the cake so it will not stick.


In other news, yesterday while talking to my friend, Patti, she mentioned the idea of getting a CPR certification and signing up with a nanny agency. We prayed that God would open up doors and shut the wrong ones. I thought that was a great idea so when I got home last night I registered for a CPR class. Today, my friend Caitlyn called me to tell me that one of our friend's mom's has a woman in her office that needs a part time nanny and they told her about me looking to be a nanny. How incredible is Jesus! He was moving fast on this one. Praise God for loving me and ordaining events!

To accomplish our call, we must be humbled far more than exalted, though God certainly lifts up his faithful servant in due time. Urgency replaces dignity and oh how the tears fall like rain. Sometimes you just cant hold yourself together a second longer. You've stayed strong to be everybody's rock through a difficult situation. You couldn't afford to lose your head because too much was at stake. Amazingly, you held it together through the most threatening phase, wondering all along what alien person with composure had overtaken your body. Then just about the time the first ounce of pressure came off and you imagined feeling relief, here it comes: THE UGLY CRY. You can't stop it. You can't hide it. You can't excuse it. It's been storing up inside of you for months and the pressure cooker begins to blow. The face contorts, the chest heaves, the nose snorts, and the flood falls. (Esther Study).

Have you ever had an ugly cry she asks? I reply yes. My ugly cry so to speak is as real as it was on June 13, 2009. What started as a very innocent night though it seemed turned out to be a night that would forever change my life. It's incredible what God will allow us to go through to get our attention. I do believe very much that God has given me a very real and incredible story to tell that tells you about how loving, graceful, and merciful he is to his children. On June 13, 2009 I went out with some old co-workers. We stopped at a bar to have a couple drinks. Minutes later before I even had time to have two drinks, I had been left at a bar, drugged with a date rape drug, and stuck in a room with a bartender who wanted nothing but to have his way with me. In such a real moment that I believe the Lord gave me in a span of being drugged and not having much realness of what was going on around me, I was able to get away. I got in my car and drove away and stopped on the side of the road to calm myself down. Before I knew it, the cops were at my car door and arrested me for a DUII. My ugly cry began. Fear, pain, embarassment, hurt, how could this happen to me and so many more feelings surrounded me.

I cried for months, crying myself to sleep. As the days went on and the drug was out of my system, I started to remember everything. Talk about whoa! As I type right now and share my story with you, I am forever blown away by God's grace and love towards me. So many worse things could have taken place that night but God protected me, saved me from a life of destruction.

I'll never forget one Sunday morning I went to church. It was in August of 2009. It was the first Sunday I had been back in church in months. Talk about how the Lord ordained this morning for me. My pastor Linda Noah was preaching and the message was named, "what to do when you have messed up." WHOA! I remember walking into church with my dad and instantly feeling uncomfortable in the Lord's house. I sat there through worship and there was an altar call for people to come down for prayer. I was uncontrollably sobbing an ugly cry and I asked my Dad to go down with me. We walked down and came to a prayer leader I have known for many years. He asked what he could pray for but I was crying so hard that I couldn't even talk and he looked straight at me and said OK. Whoa God, I thought. I didn't even say anything and he knew. I then told him later that I didn't know what to say other than I need JESUS in my life so MUCH!!! After this ordained meeting, I was feeling very convicted. I knew I needed to make changes in my life. That morning, listening to the message, God was talking to me in a very real way. For the past few years, I lived my life on the fence for so long. God said to me that morning: Roxanne, you better make a decision. It's either serve and live your life for me or serve the world. If you don't make a decision soon, you will lose you life. So I made a decision to Serve Jesus whole heartedly which brings us to now. It's amazing when Jesus brings you to your knees.

You see, I was walking in the ditch on a very dark scary road. Sometimes it's not God's will for things to happen to us but we make decisions and God allows us to go through things for such a time as this. I was literally dying inside while all this was happening in my life. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. I believe this is an incredible story that Glorifies God. If you knew me three months ago and you knew me now, you would be as shocked as my family and friends are. I don't boast myself. It's just an ever present example of how powerful the presence of God in your life can be and how it can change you. God has been breaking me down and replacing those things with him which by all means is not an easy process to go through but I believe God has something so great for me and this is all part of his incredible plan. I was so disconnected at one point and the realization is that disconnected people can never be whole. Beth said it great in the study today when she said that vulnerable and painful thought it may be, a community of people whose lives are tied together by the tender strings of the heart is life the way God meant it to be lived.

My life is not perfect and I am certainly not perfect. But I am genuinely pursuing the Lord on a daily basis. I strive to hear those words, Well done good and faithful servant. A life without Jesus is just horrible and I speak from experience. I wish I could convey to everyone the amazing Love that Jesus has for us. I pray that my story will touch people's lives. I pray that I continue to grow in the Lord, trust in the Lord, and live a life that will glorify him. Lukewarmness is not enough. God asks so much more of us. God wants to hang out with us everyday. EVERYDAY! Lets not get so wrapped up in the small details of everyday life that we forget why we are here.

Be encouraged Friends!

He is your praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes.
Deuteronomy 10:21

I want to thank everyone who posts comments on my blogs! It is very much appreciated and I am encouraged to keep writing about the very real things I am facing in life.

These past few days have been interesting. They have been kinda of rather quiet days and by that I don't mean quiet as in I have had nothing to do. I have been very busy. But the past few days have been quiet as in I feel like God really been teaching me to just be still and wait. Sunday morning I was able to bring a friend to church. We had a really good time after church chatting about our beliefs. She is Mormon. We talked about the similarities and differences. Nothing really big happened but I believe that God is planting a seed. Sunday Night I was able to get the night off work which was very much needed. Sunday mornings are really hard for me because I only get about 4 hours of sleep since I work late Saturday nights. I took a long nap in the afternoon and got up and was able to attend Sunday night Merge Service. As soon as I walked into the room, I was encouraged to see so many young people Worshiping Jesus! It lifts your heart up! Sometimes in worship, I try to sing as loud and heartfelt as I can to Jesus. Sunday night I really felt like Jesus was like Roxanne, it's ok. Just worship me. I love you. So I really just stood and sat there quietly worshiping the Lord. It was a very good and fruitful time.

I believe when we feel as if life is going so well and We love Jesus and everything's just great, the enemy attacks us in many ways during that time. I was just waiting for him to attack me and today I felt it very much. On the way to work today, I was feeling very stressed out about should I get a second job or shouldn't I. I literally started praying out loud in my car and saying i'm going to trust in Jesus. He will provide, he will provide. After tonight at work, I made really good money for a Monday night and I felt like Jesus was saying see, Roxanne! I always do provide! It's so true! This might sound silly but I feel if I do get a second part time job then It's that much easier for me to not have to trust in Jesus because i'll have more money coming in than I really need. Might sound silly but it's true

I don't have much to say today! I guess I'm learning that there really is a time for being silent and waiting on the Lord and i'm trusting in him more than I ever have. Im looking forward to Tuesday morning bible study and seeing what the Lord is going to show me.

I love candid pictures! I look so happy! :)


A little Ice challenge Brett and I had going! OOoh..it was so cold!






WOW!

So to start this off today, I posted some pictures on the side of my blog. Patti took these of me while I was helping her prepare dinner! She is such an amazing blessing to me! I am so thankful for her! It's amazing for me to look at these pictures and be able to feel like I am looking at someone who is glowing with the love of Jesus! Praise Jesus for the transformations he is making in my life! It's even better when others say you look like you are radiating the Lord in those pictures! What a blessing to me!

Wednesdays are by far my favorite day of the week. I get to spend time with my mentor. Talk about how i'm growing, what the Lord is doing in my life, what i'm struggling with and so on. I also get to watch her daughter while she at work and it's an awesome fun filled day. When she gets home we make dinner and it's so much fun! Another highlight of my day is being able to skype with grammy(Sue-Patti's mom). Sue has also been a constant person in my life who is always encouraging me!

I really feel like there has been so much change in my life as of recent and the Lord is teaching me so much. Today while I was at the gym, I was reading another chapter in this book CRAZY LOVE! It was so convicting for me. A lot of the chapter talks about how things in our life such as money, hobbies, stress, etc consume us so much that we don't spend as much time with Jesus as he wants us to and we make excuses. This is definitely something i'm working on. I trying to watch less TV and spend more time with Jesus. He just wants to hang out with us! How cool is that? I know I don't want to blow him off or make him think that all these other things are way more important than him. Not to say that it's bad to have hobbies and such but I think it's important that Jesus be the MOST important thing in our lives. We never ever regret spending time with the LORD! Never!!

In the word it says, the road is narrow and few will find it! I want to be on that road and I want to stay on that narrow road with Jesus. I think of it as if I were married and I blew off hanging out with my husband for other things how rude would that be? Jesus is my among many things my lover and best friend. I don't want to belittle him or make him feel like he doesnt matter! So i'm working on spending more time with Jesus! He is the most important thing!

Your tender mercies come with every rising sun
You see the sinner in his brokenness

My hope is in the Lord
From this time on and Forevermore
Oh, my hope is in the Lord

Oh my chains,
I can't disengage,
I don't believe that I want to,
one hand sings your praise, the other brings me shame,
I have selfishness to blame...

And I'm singing for freedom,
I know I'm not the only one praying to the one,
who can bring me this freedom,
I'm ready for change, change, change, change...

Looking down I lay,
I keep holding my chains,
no longer bound but here I stay,
I scream father please,
I need rescuing,
I need and you alone..

And I'm singing for freedom,
I know I'm not the only one praying to the one,
who can bring me this freedom,
I'm ready for, I'm ready for...

Still you patiently await yet I won't just let go,
I see you and you alone,
say come follow me cause there is ???? you can't see ???

So I'm singing for freedom,
So I'm singing for freedom...
The time has come-separation lost the war to love,
take my hand, grace is found-yeah-where your words begin,
you're alive, you're alive,
in the waking of new life,
take my hand, in the end there's only love...

(ooooo) there's only love (oooo)

there's only singing for freedom,
i know i'm not the only one praying to the one,
who can bring me this freedom,
i'm ready for, i'm ready for-
father please, i need rescuing, i need you and you alone...

Every Wednesday I go over to my mentor's house and spend some time with her and then watch her daughter while she goes to work. When she arrives back home I stay for dinner and hang out. It's a truly blessed time that I am so thankful to have.

On the way to her house this morning, these lyrics were playing on air one. Tears began to roll down the sides of my eyes. I turned it up louder to feel even more emotion. We all have needed rescuing at some point and by golly JESUS rescued me from something horrible, from a life of destruction. I wake up everyday with a huge and sometimes overwhelming sense of gratefulness and humbleness.

Today in my Esther bible study, towards the end it talks about grace. Beth says, "Jesus came for people just like us. All saved by grace. Freed by grace. Oh, for grace to love him more!" I think it's so important to realize and know that Jesus doesn't need us or have to love us but he chooses to. He chooses to need us, love us, and bestow amazing amounts of grace upon us and I don't know about others but I want to always receive that.

Beth mentions how imprisoned we can become about our unwillingness to tell the truth about ourselves. To just be honest and authentic. "I'm not talking about making shocking confessions that make us feel better and devastate someone else. I'm talking about simply being truthful about where we've come from...and where we hope we're going." (Beth Moore)

WOW right! what an inspirational thought. This is one big step that I have taken in the recent weeks. To be honest about where i've come from, to not be ashamed but to revel in the fact of where God sought me out of to reverse my destiny!

What an amazing thing to know that God sought me out and change my life and my destiny. What an amazing feeling to fall in love for Jesus for real and to feel the no limit boundaries of his love. When I feel sad in some moments because I don't have an earthly MAN in my life, I remember that no man will be able to be for me what Jesus can be for me, what he can do for me. I have to be content and in love with him before I could ever expect to make something work with a man here on earth!

How incredible is the Lord's love for us!!

So Im Singing for freedom

I know I'm not the only one praying to the one who can bring me freedom

Freedom reigns in this heart O God!

Well it's been a busy couple of days here! I feel as if the Lord is changing me everyday and at times that can be very painful and exhausting. But I'm going to keep pressing on. Today I found myself over analyzing everything. It's cool when your in that situation and you can recognize right away because you have learned the triggers of these feelings--thank you Esther bible Study!

I'm really trying to lose weight and be healthier. Not such an easy task when your grew up with a chef for a dad! :) he he

I like to look at my week like what do I feel God is teaching me? Although this week just started, I think this week is a very "wait on me" lesson. I started reading this book called "Crazy Love". It's a super fascinating book. It opens your eyes to the extremity of God's love for us. The last chapter I read was about being lukewarm. I think it can be a touchy subject because not many people like to admit they are being lukewarm in their walk with the Lord. I know I have a hard time with it in the past. But I think it's important. I felt like with some of the examples in the book I related to and some I didnt. I'm praying that I wouldn't be lukewarm but Jump after Jesus.

Something cool is happening at my work. I been talking with a co-worker of mine and she is Mormon. She has been asking lots of questions lately about my faith. She asked if she could come to church on Sunday with me and of course I said yes! I hope she still wants to come to church on Sunday.

Sorry for my scattered thoughts! I must get to bed. A long day tomorrow! Cant wait to hang out with sweet Emersyn!

Today I have simple thoughts. I wrote in my journal t0 my future husband last night.

At church this morning, worship was incredible. It's so incredible to just bask in the presence of the Lord! How fulfilling, peace giving, and restful it is.

All I can simply say today is
YOU ARE HOLY!
HOLY HOLY HOLY
IS THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY!

I have a good busy week ahead with work, ladies bible study, time with the Lord, and hanging out with my favorite little girl, Emersyn!

Well Today seemed to be fairly nice outside! Woo hoo for beautiful sunshine days! Being a waitress, I enjoy alone time very much! Being around people all the time, in fact a lot of the time at work it's drunk people, I almost feel the need to detox when i'm away from work. It's a crazy feeling when I am at work dealing with these people. I think back on my destructive life I lived of drinking and partying and am so thankful that's not my life anymore.

In doing my bible study today I learned some important things. I think when you realize the selfishness and pride in others such as HAMAN, it's a bit easier to recognize those area's in your life where you notice triggers that would cause you to act the same way. Doing this study has helped me so much to realize and be very aware of when you feel yourself acting out in selfishness, pride, and other destructive traits. Being aware of this is the first step to allowing God to come in and take even more control over my life. Change is oh so sweet!

I just want to say how faithful God is! I have been really stressed as of recent because of some changes at work. I was stressed about finances but God has really been providing. Praise Jesus!

I don't have much on my list to do today! I work tonight! I'm hoping I don't get off too late since church is in the morning.

I really do love my job. I am a huge people person however I am pursuing some school options this week and cannot wait to see where It will take me! Waitressing is a hard job where you can constantly feel like you have to be plastic.

Thank goodness my life is changed and Jesus is GREAT!

This week has been pretty amazing. I celebrated my 23rd birthday on Wednesday! On Tuesday, my ladies bible study table had some scone desserts for me and it was very special for me. It has truly been a blessed time. It's the first time in a long time I have felt so much love on one day. Birthday's are funny sometimes! I think it's a good time to reflect on the past year and think about the next year in front of you. I recall old dreams and make new ones. I discovered new passions, desires, and visions for my life. I recently started a mentorship program with a very inspirational influential Godly woman who I very much admire everyday. When you have led a sinful life to the extreme that I have, when you have walked down a cold, dark, and lonely road--it's very comforting to have accountability and encouragement in your life. I recently made a decision to stop living on the fence but to completely live my life for Jesus now. When one makes a decision like that it is awesome to be surrounded by incredible people who love you and want the best for you. It's one of my greatest blessings. I pray I can be that for someone someday.

I have been partaking in a bible study going in depth through that book of Esther. It really has been amazing. I'm learning so much about myself and God and what he wants to do in my life. I think it's truly breath taking when we become so AWARE of how real God is and his power in our lives. I have many dreams, hopes, and desires. I know it will be exciting to look back a year from now and on these blog entries to see where the Lord has brought me. God is so merciful and grace giving. Everyday I feel overwhelmed with gratefulness for God saving my life. I choose to surrender my life to Jesus Christ. A life without him is not worth living.(which I learned the hard way). I choose to be on his side. Im reminded of a great worship song we sang on tour one year
Father I see that you are drawing a line in the sand
And I want to be standing on your side, holding your hand
Let your kingdom come, let it live in me
This is prayer, this is my plea

These past couple weeks I have learned to accept that If I perish, I perish
If the very worst scenario I could conjure up in my head were to come true, then I'll always have my Jesus. Jesus who is my father, my lover, my healer, my provider, my best friend, my listener, my life giver and so much more. I continue to pray that Jesus would take all that is ME and take it away and replace it with him. I want to shine as his daughter! Oh how sweet is the Love he has for us!!

I went to Barnes and Noble today and bought a book called Crazy Love! I am excited to start reading it. I also picked up a couple new Journals. Im starting to become an avid journaler/blogger! One of the journals is a person journal and the other one is a new project. Quite some time ago I really felt pressed upon my heart to start a journal type thing that I hope to give to my future husband someday. It's a book that will be full of love letters to him and other letters to him on a daily basis. I am not a virgin for quite some time now but I want to be able to give my future husband something from my heart--letters and daily entries. I have sooo much love for my husband, whoever and wherever he is. I want to save myself from here on out for him, to preserve myself and my love for him. I am looking forward to this project and seeing it through!

I must get ready for work now!

Well I am farely new at this blogging idea but I think it will good! The name of my blog is Amore Dolce which means sweet love in Italian. Its special to me because I feel like sweet love is what the Lord is giving me.

Today was a pretty good day. I slept in late because I worked a double shift yesterday on 2 hours of sleep. I started my birthday week today with a pedicure at the Spa! My birthday is on Wednesday and I'm already feeling the Love! It's an awesome feeling for what's been a really tough year.

I have bible study in the morning which I always look forward to. My heart has been feeling very conflicted lately but I'm really enjoying learning and growing in this bible study.

I find it so interesting that growing up we list and commentate on other people's lives and say that we would never do that but we end up doing that. I'm so happy for God's grace and mercy and love. I don't want to dwell on the past but move forward in God's grace. Everyday I'm working on being that Woman of God that lives within God's will. I have so many dreams, hopes, and vision's that I know I need to surrender to God and he will take care of me.

I suppose I will go to bed now. It's late. I will write more tomorrow