Monday, January 3, 2011

Hello 2011

Hello 2011!!

I am so ecstatic that is a new year. I have so much to look forward to and so grateful to be free of the past and leave so much behind. I have tons of goals this year that I have in writing and i'm loving embarking on this new chapter in my life.

I for one know that throughout the years, every time I make New Year's resolutions and start them on New Year's , I feel i'm always setting myself up for failure so after thanksgiving in 2010, I started on my so called resolutions so I would be successful. And so far, so good! :)

Some goals for 2011:

* Go back to school: In fact, I started today :)
* Get in the best shape possible
* Grow even deeper in my life and walk with the Lord
* Become debt free: I'm so close to this
* Have even more Joy than the year before: so far, looking really great on this one
* Have an actual savings account with money in it :)

One major thing I learned last year was to believe in myself and love myself. I plan to continue this on into this year. Im venturing into a new fitness business which I know is going to be super successful and today was the first day of this challenge I'm doing. A bunch of people put 20 into a pool of money and the challenge is from today - march 28th. Whoever wins the most weight will win the pool of money. It's very motivating. :)

Monday, November 8, 2010


A challenging chapter in my book, named vulnerability. One im not sure I
completely understand but something essential to grasp hold of as
a Christian and a woman. When I think of the word vulnerable, I think pretty
much opening myself 100 percent to any kind of situation, vulnerability to me
is like taking a risk whethere it be for love or a specific circumstance. I think
what Jesus defines as vulnerabilitty or has intended for it to mean is a little
different. Granted, it can mean something different to each person.

What I feel Jesus speaks to me is being able and willing to voluntarily
place myself in a situation, for the sake of a much larger purpose than I can
comprehend, that could bring pain. Paula rhinehart says it so well. You are
willing to risk your heart in a vulnerable way. Wow.

I don't know about you but when I hear the words risk my heart....and pain
in the same sentence, it kinda scares me. I've spent years risking my heart
and it ending in pain.

But I believe God means something far greater than pain. Vulnerability
comes hand in hand with strength. How do I be a strong woman with a soft heart?
what do I really deel about a specific situation? What do I think?
where do I really sense God in the situation at all?

We find our strength in Christ Jesus and without trusting him, we won't
be able to be vulnerable to the things he has called us to on a daily
basis. The kind of strength God wants to shape in me is so much different
than the kind of strength society displays for us. There is no human model
I know of that displays strength through Christ which I think shows us
even more our daily need of Jesus and laying our life down every morning
as if nothing had yet been done. We must look to God himself!

I've always been one of those women that feels like everyone else comes first
and ill take my number and wait in the back and whatever is left over, its mine.

God says no no no, you got this all wrong. He really teaching me to focus
on what really matters and the rest will fall into place. I find when I would
think like the woman who takes the number and stands in the back, we
completely miss out on what God is saying to us, I don't want to miss out
that's for sure. I want a soul I can walk around in and I know God
helping develop that.

There are so many angles to the vulnerability I believe God has called us to.
To walk in his light, to open our heart and soul to others so that we may have
REAL relationships in his body. To know we need Jesus and to one day look at our
hearts and know that we didn't stand still but our hearts matured and had depth
and meaning.

And after all that, we must still honor our hearts. This spoke to me so deeply;
"The strength of vulnerability is the fire of a tender heart that forges steel
in the soul. As difficult as it is to live with a vulnerable heart, it is far
easier than camping out behind a facade. Jesus is the lamb who conquers all.
He says, come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give
you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am GENTLE and
HUMBLE in heart; and you SHALL find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy
and my load is light."

My soul finds rest in you Jesus.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Beautiful beyond description, you are my HERO

I never know what im going to blog about and that's one of the things I love about
Jesus. He is so mysterious and not in the im hiding fromm you mysterious but the
come chase me, seek me with all your heart and I will live in you.

Its incredible if you really think about it. And I love that when I wake up every
morning, I don't know what God going to show me, teach me, speak to me but at the
end of the day when its just God and I, oh its wonderful. Literally like spending
time with my love. :)

Beauty is the essence of God. Beauty is something I struggled with and sometimes
still do. A lot of people say to me, are you serious? Your beautiful. But I didn't
see myself that way. I remember even over eating to try and make myself ugly.
Im such an emotional eater. I remember over a year ago when I recommitted my life to
Jesus, I desperately longed to see Jesus shining through me again, to know that in
Christ, I am beautiful. I am his bride, his love.

Now, I see that. The more time I spend with Jesus, the more he shows me how
beautiful I am, just how much he loves me. I believe when you seek God, you
Begin to see yourself in his image. When I experience this, I feel at rest.
my soul finds peace. I imagine Jesus telling me I look breathtaking :)

Beauty is the essence of God. Beauty is powerful. And my beauty in Jesus is
mysterious and captivating and something not to be taken lightly
and not something to just let any man into. Treasure your beauty because
God treasures your beauty and his beauty through you. Wow! I may be typing
but I believe Jesus is talking to me while I type this.

I was reading in proverbs and Jesus says, "my son, if sinners entice you, do not
consent....keep your feet from their path for their feet run to evil..."

Its right there from my hero himself. Just don't go there. Beauty can be enticing.
sex is enticing. The world is enticing. The beauty of God conquers all! I
love how Jesus has changed my life! Seek him with all your heart, pursue him.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


Im reading an incredible book and the chapter currently is TRUST. This use to
be a not fun subject for me to talk about, one I would avoid. But the new me
talks about it all now cause that's how I get to surrendering issues of mine
with my sweet Jesus :)

When I hear someone say just trust Jesus, I have to admit it makes me wonder
how well do they really know him. I feel like the phrase is used so much that
sometimes I find myself curious if they are genuine and have experienced
a good outcome from doing this in their own life or if its just the christian
thing to say.

God says, come sit on my lap, everything will be ok. It will be ok

I have learned that relying on God has to start all over again every morning
as if nothing has yet been done and this goes hand in hand with surrender too.

I was talking to a friend a couple days ago about him thinking he was gonna
Lose his job. He seemed so calm about it and I asked him if he was worried
or stressed. He said, "no, once you really realize God has a plan, what's
there to be worried about?" I said it can be stressful and he said back to me
what's the point, God has it figured out.

So true! Right?!?!

Yes its so much easier said than done but something I think really important
to grasp hold of. Paula rhinehart says, "Trust hangs somewhere between knowing
what your heart longs for and trying to dictate the shape, timing, or outcome
of your hearts desire." Wow! So true if you look back on why you were unable to
trust God in situations.

I use to have major trust issues due to all sorts of things but thankfully God
has healed that within me. Ill tell you, its incredible the peace and trust that
can come from sincerely surrendering to Jesus.

Sometimes getting to the point of trusting is a miracle in itself. When I finally
got the place of really trusting, I felt as if I had just ran a marathon!
Miracle :)

Paula also says, you can't order trust or it would be out of stock. So true!
everyone would be throwing caution out the window and ordering trust all the time.
praise Jesus its not like that.

I think when we realize that being able to trust God is completely grounded
and connected to staking our worth of who we are on the big truth that he loves
us...its life changing. It was for me. Everyday I have to come back to this
truth. Allowing ourself to be loved by God is where trust seeps down into our
soul, our bones and complete inner being soak it up so fast.

Now it makes sense to me! Its why when I was so hurt in past relationships,
it was so hard to trust again and if I couldn't trust Jesus then whom ever could
I trust?!?

The mystery of not knowing is exciting to me. Let God write my story. Its like
falling backward and just before you think your gonna crash on the ground
you are caught and held in his arms. We have to let him catch us though.

Friends, im so glad to be healed of this. Do I struggle? Yes but being with Jesus
everyday reminds me I have to start all over every morning as if nothing
has yet been done.

I love Jesus so much. I love our ongoing conversations through the day! I love
that he at work in my life and I know that with him, I wont be the same as I
was a week ago.

Ill leave with this: When things seem like they are going bad persay, it doesn't
mean God just stopped doing good. Remember he will finish the work he started.
I cling to that truth. God just is shifting things around to get them in
place for more good. God works all things together for the good of those who
love him!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

I will blog, I will blog, I will blog.

This is for some reason a challenge for me to get on here and write somedays
but im really challenging myself to be more consistent with it.
this week was sooooo long. I started my new job on Monday which is going so
good. It's just a ton to learn but its good and I know God has blessed me with some
awesome opportunities and I've already met some believers and that's really

Monday, I felt really really super convicted about something in my life and I
had to make a really hard decision. It was hard cause I knew it would hurt
someone I cared about. When god calls, you listen. I've tried it the other way
and trust me the outcome is not pretty. This conviction was so strong, it made
me sick to my stomach and I couldn't think straight all day. It's like one of those
things where you know its the right decision but a hard one to do. But I knew God
would be with me and I went for it.

So yes, it was difficult but God was faithful and gave me peace. I honestly pray
that the type of conviction I had with that specific situation would be the same conviction
that I have for all things. We pray that our heart would hurt for the things
that hurt jesus and honestly I think my physical pain of conviction is just a mere
image of how it truly hurts our savior.

Its amazing though that in that moment and throughout this week I knew the only way
to get through these things was to truly depend on Jesus.

At some point, we have to face what isn't working and turn to the one person
everyday who makes everything work. Im at all new heights at this chapter in my life
and its really really exciting. :)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Happy Birthday!

Today is my 24th birthday and it only seemed fitting that I reflect on the past year. A year ago today, I started a very new journey in my life. A very sweet friend of mine spoke great words of encouragement over my life and it inspired me to go forth and live the life that God had destined for me.

Below are the exact words she spoke to me and I often look over them every week to remind me that when life seems tough and impossible that I have a destiny and reason to love and have Joy and hope.

Happy Birthday to an amazing woman! Roxanne, I pray that God would richly bless you this next year and reveal Himself to you in a new way! May you grow in Him and never forget how much He loves you and wants nothing but the best for you. Don't grow weary in waiting for life's events, but let your strength be renewed in waiting for HIM!!! XOXO

I am celebrating my bday with this sweet friend of mine on Monday and look forward to seeing that new picture I know she will take :) hehe

God definitely revealed himself in a new way to me this past year. I learned the hard way that a life without Jesus is no life worth living. I have grown an incredible amount. There were some rough times this past year and there were some great times. But I got through them with Jesus by my side. I'm a different woman now. I'm confident, finding my value In Jesus alone and not searching for approval from other people or things. I have Joy even in negative situation. I know when the time is right, God will bless me with the right person. I start this new year off now with clear direction from God, a new great job, going back to school soon and loving just being with Jesus. I am genuinely blessed.

Some big things/Changes that I underwent this year were
* I quit the drinking/club scene
* Got out a career field I hated-Thank you Jesus.
* Spent time with my biological father for the first time in 10 years
* Stopped having sex

Reflection is so great. To look back and see the real depths of how far I have come.
To continue the journey, nothing more fitting that recommitting my life to Jesus on my birthday! Here's to another great year. Can't wait to see whats in store!

Sunday, October 17, 2010


Today was a really big milestone for me. I saw my biological dad today for the first time in over 10 years. I had so many nerves and emotions running through me thinking what it would be like.

It was just about perfect. I walked up and he repeated to me over and over how grown up and beautiful I am. How proud of me he was, for the woman I have grown into.

Makes me think, Don't you think Jesus is trying to tell me the same thing.

We chatted, laughed, and reminisced about the old good times. Talked about the future, my goals, and where I see myself. I shined and he smiled at me with the look of joy across his face! This was really huge for me. Not only to feel that love from my biological Dad but to realize Jesus looks at me the same.

Had a great night at church really tuning into Jesus and what he wanted to speak into my life tonight. I've really made my walk with Jesus as of recent a burden and into a HAVE TO.

This week my goal or desire is to make Jesus my priority because I WANT TO. To make it my joy.

BTW, God has seriously blessed me over what I could imagine. Im starting a really new great job next week. I know he taking care of me. And for the first time in possibly a really long time or maybe my whole life, I can say that I am so happy with just being Jesus and not having a man in my life other than him. It's a great way to start my birthday week. A year ago this thursday, a dear friend of mine made me a cake and spoke very encouraging words into my life and has been mentoring me. It's amazing to look back and see all the changes I have made. :)