STRENGTH IS OF SERVICE, NOT STATUS

These past couple weeks, I have been attacked so much. Satan--your such a idiot.

Because I serve a God that overcomes everything you set in my way that would try and destroy me. I serve a Jesus that gives me strength and provides for my needs.

The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.

Exodus 15:2

I think one of the hardest things to do is to Trust and wait on Jesus. It's tough being a woman who feels responsible for the HOW. But I know Jesus is just saying, roxanne, Let me figure that out. In the flesh, I want to control things sometimes and just want things to happen now. It's hard to just sit and wait and trust in the Lord. I know he has a greater plan and something way better than where I am at for a job right now and I need to keep telling myself everyday, FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS. FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS, FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS.

Im studying through Deuteronomy right now and it's a quite simple truth that I'm realizing...

If we live for him and follow his commandments and serve him, then he will bless us and keep his covenant with us and continue to lavish us with his loving kindness.

If you pay attention to these laws and are careful to follow them, then the LORD your God will keep his covenant of love with you, as he swore to your forefathers. 13 He will love you and bless you and increase your numbers. He will bless the fruit of your womb, the crops of your land—your grain, new wine and oil—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks in the land that he swore to your forefathers to give you. 14 You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless, nor any of your livestock without young. 15 The LORD will keep you free from every disease. He will not inflict on you the horrible diseases you knew in Egypt, but he will inflict them on all who hate you. 16 You must destroy all the peoples the LORD your God gives over to you. Do not look on them with pity and do not serve their gods, for that will be a snare to you.
DEUTERONOMY 7:12-16.

I don't know about you but thats a pretty awesome promise from the LORD. I think this is why its so important that we be in the Word everyday and spend time with Jesus because life is hard and we need to be reminded of how good God is, to not forget that if we follow him he will be faithful to us. My soul finds rest in this.

There one upside good thought about being attacked by the devil. Yes, you know your on the right track. Your on the right road to following Jesus. I would be concerned if I wasn't being attacked almost in a sense.

I will trust in You
I will hold to what is true
That You see the weakest through
Every trial
I will cling to You
Each day I pledge it new
My imperfect gratitude
From now on

I am a rag doll
Made of strings and yarns
Each day a new thread
Is torn from me
And as I come apart at the seams
My hands raise up and I fall to my knees
Please hold me and sew me back together again

I can feel so old
Like I've seen too much
All my hope has been squeezed dry
Like some worn-out sponge
And as I am used up and spilled empty
You fill me up with a sweet certainty
Please keep me filled and never to be thirsty again

And as my tiny steps lead to freedom's strides
Keep a watchful eye over me
Lest I trip and fall
I know I will

I will trust in You
Each day I pledge it new
My imperfect gratitude
From now on

For Such a Time as this.....

That's what the Lord keeps telling me. I had an AHA moment while spending time with him. He revealed to me he brought me this far and he not going to just leave me. He has something better for me but it's not the right time! What a concept right!?!?

sO....For such a time as this I will trust and wait....

On another note, I rent a one bedroom from my sister. It's actually connected to her apartment. Her boyfriend a DJ and I constantly am woken up by loud, bass music vibrating my walls. Being that I work nights, I feel like half my sleeping is spent on the couch. To add in another disturbing detail: They smoke a lot of pot and it travels into my vents and I cannot stand the smell! I have more candles in my place than the average person, I promise. This week I told her that I will most likely be moving out. Im praying that I find a different place at a reasonable price or find a room to rent from someone and that my sister reacts well to the situation.

Yes, another posting of a seriously amazingly yummy dish, Cranberry Chicken!







This dish turned out to be great!

Recipe:
1 Jar of Catalina French Dressing
2 Packets of French Onion Soup Mix
1 Can of Cranberries
Chicken Breasts


Mix together Catalina dressing, french onion soup mix, and cranberries.
I recommend using Chicken tenders. Brown the chicken you use in a pan. Then place chicken in an oven safe baking dish. Then Pour the mix over the chicken. I pour a little sauce in the dish and then add the chicken and then pour the rest of the sauce on top of the chicken. Bake for 30 minutes at 350.

I serve with rice pilaf and a vegetable of choice

It's Tough Being a Woman!!!!

Four hours of sleep and a heart that's been gripped by fear this week. A week of being attacked by the devil in every way! Oh how exhausting. Am I strong or am I spoiled?

I get ready for bible study, not really feeling like I want to go due to so little sleep, but going because I know I need to be there.

It's tough being a woman in the giant tight fist of fear. But how about that we are engraved on God's palm? We don't have to be so fearful! God whispers to me, "I want to deliver you and EMPOWER you my child. The grace I give you is based on your need. Don't fear things that you conjure up in your mind. I am I am."

I sat at the table, vulnerable. That's hard to do sometimes when your in front of some people you do not know. Tears ran down my face as the women surrounded me and interceded in prayer for me. I was tired, hurt, and didn't want to fight anymore. God whispering to my heart, Roxanne!!! Roxanne!! Listen to me!!! I'll fight for you! Reach your hands up, all the way up. Give me your burden and I'll give you the weapon.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Why is it so hard to surrender sometimes? We should be running to give everything to Jesus. It's hard to let go of that control.

However, the Lord your God..turned the curse, the negative thing that the Devil would love to destroy you with, God has turned into a blessing for you, because the Lord your God LOVES you!HE LOVES YOU! HE LOVES YOU!!

This is a big lesson I have learned this past summer. God took my curse and turned it into a blessing.

Jesus Jesus Jesus,
Give my strength. I pray that I would resemble you oh Lord. Help me to FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT for my life in you! Build my armor up that I would be ready. I put my hands up! I love love love you Jesus. My soul Finds rest in you alone.

From the Inside Out, My Soul cries out!

God is changing my life! Can I get an Amen! :)

As I was going through Day 5 of my Esther Study, I was blown away at all the things God was showing me. Some days are like revelations and others you still learn things.

Sitting on the couch, candles lit, heater on, bundled up in my blanket, bible open eagerly awaiting what I will learn today. I read A time of Happiness. A thing we all long for. To hear another woman of God(Beth Moore) say Life is Hard. Amen, it sure hands us some tough things. She says, When God intervenes and we get a chance to know we're blessed and to feel blessed, nothing is more appropriate than seizing the happy moment!! So true my friends!

I relate to this day in the study so much. I believe when we are surrounded by negative circumstances, we sometimes think we aren't liable or aloud to be happy. But what am I saying to Jesus when I sing blessed be your name when I'm found in the desert place, when I'm lost in the wilderness. Life is hard but the beauty of this is that still in hard times, Jesus can provide joy, gladness, and happiness. We are to revel in that always!

I have experienced a dramatic Esther Reversal in the past 6 months. God wants to reverse our emotions and circumstances but we have to let him.


A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out


Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

Yesterday was an awesome day filled with fun, great food, and awesome friends.



We loved face painting with some banana



So naughty and soo cute at the same time



I LOVE TO COOK AND BAKE! It's a big passion of mine! I know my domestic ness will be a great thing someday :)





I am pretty impressed with my creation at this point



Some amazing girls in my life :)



Cooking magazine cover picture perhaps? lol



Perfection! So pretty!



This was a cake I made from scratch for a friend's birthday! It was so good! Makes me want to open a bakery someday!

Here is the recipe for anyone who wants to make the pumpkin cheesecake roll.

CAKE:

1/4 cup powdered sugar (to sprinkle on towel)
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 large eggs
1 cup granulated sugar
2/3 cup LIBBY'S® 100% Pure Pumpkin
1 cup walnuts, chopped (optional)

PREHEAT oven to 375°F. Grease 15 x 10-inch jelly-roll pan; line with wax paper. Grease and flour paper. Sprinkle a thin, cotton kitchen towel with powdered sugar.

COMBINE flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves and salt in small bowl. Beat eggs and granulated sugar in large mixer bowl until thick. Beat in pumpkin. Stir in flour mixture. Spread evenly into prepared pan.

BAKE for 13 to 15 minutes or until top of cake springs back when touched. (If using a dark-colored pan, begin checking for done ness at 11 minutes.) Immediately loosen and turn cake onto prepared towel. Carefully peel off paper. Roll up cake and towel together, starting with narrow end. Cool on wire rack.

FILLING:

1 pkg. (8 oz.) cream cheese, at room temperature
1 cup powdered sugar, sifted
6 tablespoons butter, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Powdered sugar (optional for decoration)

BEAT cream cheese, 1 cup powdered sugar, butter and vanilla extract in small mixer bowl until smooth. Carefully unroll cake. Spread cream cheese mixture over cake. Reroll cake. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate at least one hour. Sprinkle with powdered sugar before serving, if desired.

Be sure to put enough powdered sugar on the towel when rolling up the cake so it will not stick.


In other news, yesterday while talking to my friend, Patti, she mentioned the idea of getting a CPR certification and signing up with a nanny agency. We prayed that God would open up doors and shut the wrong ones. I thought that was a great idea so when I got home last night I registered for a CPR class. Today, my friend Caitlyn called me to tell me that one of our friend's mom's has a woman in her office that needs a part time nanny and they told her about me looking to be a nanny. How incredible is Jesus! He was moving fast on this one. Praise God for loving me and ordaining events!

To accomplish our call, we must be humbled far more than exalted, though God certainly lifts up his faithful servant in due time. Urgency replaces dignity and oh how the tears fall like rain. Sometimes you just cant hold yourself together a second longer. You've stayed strong to be everybody's rock through a difficult situation. You couldn't afford to lose your head because too much was at stake. Amazingly, you held it together through the most threatening phase, wondering all along what alien person with composure had overtaken your body. Then just about the time the first ounce of pressure came off and you imagined feeling relief, here it comes: THE UGLY CRY. You can't stop it. You can't hide it. You can't excuse it. It's been storing up inside of you for months and the pressure cooker begins to blow. The face contorts, the chest heaves, the nose snorts, and the flood falls. (Esther Study).

Have you ever had an ugly cry she asks? I reply yes. My ugly cry so to speak is as real as it was on June 13, 2009. What started as a very innocent night though it seemed turned out to be a night that would forever change my life. It's incredible what God will allow us to go through to get our attention. I do believe very much that God has given me a very real and incredible story to tell that tells you about how loving, graceful, and merciful he is to his children. On June 13, 2009 I went out with some old co-workers. We stopped at a bar to have a couple drinks. Minutes later before I even had time to have two drinks, I had been left at a bar, drugged with a date rape drug, and stuck in a room with a bartender who wanted nothing but to have his way with me. In such a real moment that I believe the Lord gave me in a span of being drugged and not having much realness of what was going on around me, I was able to get away. I got in my car and drove away and stopped on the side of the road to calm myself down. Before I knew it, the cops were at my car door and arrested me for a DUII. My ugly cry began. Fear, pain, embarassment, hurt, how could this happen to me and so many more feelings surrounded me.

I cried for months, crying myself to sleep. As the days went on and the drug was out of my system, I started to remember everything. Talk about whoa! As I type right now and share my story with you, I am forever blown away by God's grace and love towards me. So many worse things could have taken place that night but God protected me, saved me from a life of destruction.

I'll never forget one Sunday morning I went to church. It was in August of 2009. It was the first Sunday I had been back in church in months. Talk about how the Lord ordained this morning for me. My pastor Linda Noah was preaching and the message was named, "what to do when you have messed up." WHOA! I remember walking into church with my dad and instantly feeling uncomfortable in the Lord's house. I sat there through worship and there was an altar call for people to come down for prayer. I was uncontrollably sobbing an ugly cry and I asked my Dad to go down with me. We walked down and came to a prayer leader I have known for many years. He asked what he could pray for but I was crying so hard that I couldn't even talk and he looked straight at me and said OK. Whoa God, I thought. I didn't even say anything and he knew. I then told him later that I didn't know what to say other than I need JESUS in my life so MUCH!!! After this ordained meeting, I was feeling very convicted. I knew I needed to make changes in my life. That morning, listening to the message, God was talking to me in a very real way. For the past few years, I lived my life on the fence for so long. God said to me that morning: Roxanne, you better make a decision. It's either serve and live your life for me or serve the world. If you don't make a decision soon, you will lose you life. So I made a decision to Serve Jesus whole heartedly which brings us to now. It's amazing when Jesus brings you to your knees.

You see, I was walking in the ditch on a very dark scary road. Sometimes it's not God's will for things to happen to us but we make decisions and God allows us to go through things for such a time as this. I was literally dying inside while all this was happening in my life. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. I believe this is an incredible story that Glorifies God. If you knew me three months ago and you knew me now, you would be as shocked as my family and friends are. I don't boast myself. It's just an ever present example of how powerful the presence of God in your life can be and how it can change you. God has been breaking me down and replacing those things with him which by all means is not an easy process to go through but I believe God has something so great for me and this is all part of his incredible plan. I was so disconnected at one point and the realization is that disconnected people can never be whole. Beth said it great in the study today when she said that vulnerable and painful thought it may be, a community of people whose lives are tied together by the tender strings of the heart is life the way God meant it to be lived.

My life is not perfect and I am certainly not perfect. But I am genuinely pursuing the Lord on a daily basis. I strive to hear those words, Well done good and faithful servant. A life without Jesus is just horrible and I speak from experience. I wish I could convey to everyone the amazing Love that Jesus has for us. I pray that my story will touch people's lives. I pray that I continue to grow in the Lord, trust in the Lord, and live a life that will glorify him. Lukewarmness is not enough. God asks so much more of us. God wants to hang out with us everyday. EVERYDAY! Lets not get so wrapped up in the small details of everyday life that we forget why we are here.

Be encouraged Friends!

He is your praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes.
Deuteronomy 10:21

I want to thank everyone who posts comments on my blogs! It is very much appreciated and I am encouraged to keep writing about the very real things I am facing in life.

These past few days have been interesting. They have been kinda of rather quiet days and by that I don't mean quiet as in I have had nothing to do. I have been very busy. But the past few days have been quiet as in I feel like God really been teaching me to just be still and wait. Sunday morning I was able to bring a friend to church. We had a really good time after church chatting about our beliefs. She is Mormon. We talked about the similarities and differences. Nothing really big happened but I believe that God is planting a seed. Sunday Night I was able to get the night off work which was very much needed. Sunday mornings are really hard for me because I only get about 4 hours of sleep since I work late Saturday nights. I took a long nap in the afternoon and got up and was able to attend Sunday night Merge Service. As soon as I walked into the room, I was encouraged to see so many young people Worshiping Jesus! It lifts your heart up! Sometimes in worship, I try to sing as loud and heartfelt as I can to Jesus. Sunday night I really felt like Jesus was like Roxanne, it's ok. Just worship me. I love you. So I really just stood and sat there quietly worshiping the Lord. It was a very good and fruitful time.

I believe when we feel as if life is going so well and We love Jesus and everything's just great, the enemy attacks us in many ways during that time. I was just waiting for him to attack me and today I felt it very much. On the way to work today, I was feeling very stressed out about should I get a second job or shouldn't I. I literally started praying out loud in my car and saying i'm going to trust in Jesus. He will provide, he will provide. After tonight at work, I made really good money for a Monday night and I felt like Jesus was saying see, Roxanne! I always do provide! It's so true! This might sound silly but I feel if I do get a second part time job then It's that much easier for me to not have to trust in Jesus because i'll have more money coming in than I really need. Might sound silly but it's true

I don't have much to say today! I guess I'm learning that there really is a time for being silent and waiting on the Lord and i'm trusting in him more than I ever have. Im looking forward to Tuesday morning bible study and seeing what the Lord is going to show me.