TUESDAY

Today could Have practically been gift wrapped from Satan himself--Not being dramatic..Really! It was that bad. Reminding myself though my weakness is made perfect in his STRENGTH.

Today was one of the those ongoing conversations with God, I'm talking probably every 3 minutes. He laid so much on my heart that I am going to share with you. I've said a lot in the recent months that God is at war with Satan every day for our lives, our souls, our salvation. I saw this today. Today, I lost someone to suicide. It Breaks my heart to know that people are really hurting so much that they end their life. I was in my car on the way home from work having another conversation with the Lord. I was just weeping, feeling like God has given me a bad taste for the things of this world. I felt so strongly him saying, "Everyday I'm fighting for you. The Holy Spirit is interceding for you. My children are so concerned and worried about materialistic things in their lives while others are broken, hurting, and fighting for life.

I'm reminded of when I went on our youth group choirs tours to minister and sing to people all around. We used to do service projects with a organization called Teen Challenge. Teen Challenge is an organization that reaches out to Youth, Children and adults, providing them with faith based solution to drug, alcohol, and other addictions. I go back to when we would sing at these places. It's so amazing to see these Men that have so much praise and adoration for the Lord, yet in the world's view, they have nothing. In Jesus, they have everything. God, make me like that. Make my heart like that. Make me in such awe of you.

Another big thing the Lord and I talked about was TRUST! Oh I struggle with this one a lot mainly due to past relationships. If I didn't trust my friends, what kind of friendship would we have? If I didn't trust my mentor, what kind of accountability would I truly have? If I didn't trust my husband, what kind of marriage would we have? Trust is such a vital foundation for any kind of relationship. When someone has ever displayed the slightest bit of doubt in me, I know it's been upsetting. I think the same is for Jesus.

I could imagine him saying something like...
"So I died on the cross to save your life, I sacrificed myself for you and you don't think I can ______________. (Insert issue here) Provide for your finances, you don't think I have amazing plans for your life, you don't think I have an amazing person for you, a great job, and the list goes on and on."

But realizing yes that God wants to stretch us and teach us a lesson in the process. And more than likely, I guarantee it wont happen in our timing.

If I don't trust that the one who died on the cross has it figured out, then what kind of relationship will we have with the Lord? And how will that pour into our earthly relationships? How will our walk ever deepen? How will we grow and ride past the so typical talked about Lukewarm Christian-go through the motions life?

This is such basic but such huge stuff I believe God wants us to grasp now to lay the foundation to have an amazing relationship with God. The amazing relationship that God intended for us to have with him and he so desires to have that with us more than I can even explain to you. Our relationship with God should be pouring out into our earthly relationships with our friends, family.

Everyday I find myself re-surrendering to Jesus. I need him more and more than I did the day before. I know he has called me to be set apart and I so desire to be used by god, to have a strong, growing relationship with him, to have Jesus shine through me, to show Jesus' love to others, to speak into Broken lives, to bring Glory to the one true God who is healing me from the inside out. Learning to let Jesus be my everything everyday is not easy. Serving the Lord is hard. Very Hard. Yet there is strength in the struggle and I find myself in a season of refinement, a season where I want more and more of Jesus everyday. I know that our present suffering's don't even compare to the Glory that will be revealed in and through us.

I am proud to admit that at the end of my day, through everything Satan tried to throw at me, at the end of the day I was still standing with Jesus' arms wrapped around me.

From the bitter Marah waters to pure Sweetness...

I cannot tell you enough how much this study speaks to the inner parts of my soul. Not just my heart, but my soul as well.

Today was about the Bittersweetness of Marah. In today's reading, the Israelites had just finally crossed the red sea on Dry ground. After they suffered through the wilderness, they finally found water. Have you ever been so thirsty that when you finally are able to drink something, your mouth gets even drier just imagining the liquid touching your lips and passing down your throat. I believe this is similar to how thirsty the Israelites were. The water they found was sparkling and cold but UNDRINKABLE! Ugh, I cannot even imagine. The water was bitter and called Marah. Moses cried out to the Lord, for they had gone 3 days without any water and couldn't drink the Water known as Marah. The Lord showed him a piece of wood and Moses threw it in the water and the water became sweet and drinkable.

I am reminded of how many times I was faced with bitter water but God reached down and made it sweet. Jehova-Rapha: The God who heals. How has he healed your bitter waters and made them sweet? I am glad I serve a GOd who is my healer. I can walk by faith knowing he is healing my soul. Making it pure again. Only Christ can heal me, no one else. I have learned through many hardships that other's can lead us to Jesus, but it is me who has to show up to the appointment. His main goal is not to just heal me but for me to meet his healing power. WOW! Meet with the healer everyday. I have spent much time in the past searching for other things and people to heal me but Jesus is the only one who can heal me.

I love Jesus so much. He is changing my life. Making me pure again, leading me towards him and everyday is better and better. Everyday I feel stronger and stronger. But it's a struggle. I believe the more you seek out Jesus, the more satan attacks you and tries to bring you down. That's why it's been so important for me to armor myself up in the Lord everyday, to PRAY PRAY PRAY, and to set boundaries, also having a mentor! :)

My heart feels so heavy right now about so much. I want to THIRST so much for Jesus. So much that I would come to his fountain to DRINK. That every thing I do would glorify Jesus, that I would Shine as his servant. SO much that God would be in the center of all my decisions. That my friends and the people around me would notice change in my life. Is this a lot to want? Maybe but I believe that I serve a God so great that he will do this for me.

I know that God is calling me to be set apart. Set apart from my friends and this world. He doing something inside of me, I can feel it. I spent too much time being of this world. Now I am not of this world.

God,
My heart and soul cry out for you.
Make me new, heal me. Make me like you. Take away everything that's of me and replace it with you. Set me Apart Jesus! Open doors where I should walk through. Close doors that aren't your will. Make me thirsty for you. Make my life a testimony of your greatness. Thank you your mercies are new everyday and your grace is more than sufficient for me. USE me Lord! Thank you for the huge sacrifice you made so that I could live. Be my best friend. I love you. Amen


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Today was a pretty good day. I am struggling a little with my job. I love my hours and I work in a much better place but I am struggling to have personality and heart in my job because I have been in the industry for so long. I am continually praying for energy and Jesus to shine through me. I really desire to conduct myself in a way that is holy and pleasing to Jesus.

My mentor and friend and her family came to visit me today at work and it made my day! :) She surprised her husband. I was blessed to watch their little girl while they go on a date tonight and it was so much fun. She such a sweet little angel. We went on a nice walk in this beautiful weather, played with toys, chatted with mimi and papa, ate dinner together, and then I gave her a bath. After I put her down for a bed, I snuck in and out so many times just to watch her sleep so peacefully. I'm excited for the day I can do this with my own children :)

My mentor is such an encouragement to me. Those who don't have one should really get one in their life. She keeps me so accountable, encourages me daily. She such an example of a woman of God, a wife, a friend, and a mother. I strive to be that kind of role model some day for those around me.

I am thinking I will start a prayer journal (inspired from her of course). I think it's so amazing to be able to look back and be reminded of what we have witnessed the Lord do. And it keeps me accountable in my prayer life.

I better go check on the little one!

Blessings to you all and thank you for reading!

This is not going to be easy....

What do I want? This is a question that filled my mind for the past three years as I floated through life. It was a question that was brought up again at a book club I attended the other night. We are going through a book called Strong Women, Soft Hearts. The chapter we discussed was all about desires and what do we want really?

It's so easy for me to respond with certain what would be deemed as BIG events in my life such as graduating college, finding a good job, Getting married, having children. But I believe that God has called us to really look inside ourselves and get away from those kind of answers.

What I really do want is to be used by God in miraculous ways, whether they be big or small. I want to be that woman of God that's willing to follow Jesus wherever he may lead me, to be used wherever he wants to use me. I've spent too much time being selfish and saying ok, LORD-Send someone else. God called people in the bible to follow him and they did. They left everything they had. Why should we be worried to leave all our materialistic belongings? These are all desires I have. I'm not perfect but I am working towards these.

In the past year I have made a lot of decisions in my life, transitions, changes. I wish I could say it's been easy but it hasn't but I believe if it were easy then I would be one stagnant shallow person so I am grateful in my heart that it hasn't been easy. God has reminded me as of recent that It's not getting any easier. He making sure that my heart is genuine about how I want to live my life. I've had a week full of being attacked by the devil no doubt. Some days I have let it get the best of me but I am still growing and looking to Jesus because I know that I know that I know if the worst was to happen, I'd still have Jesus and He promises to take care of me.

In my bible study today, it stated a verse-
Exodus 14:14-- "The LORD will fight for you; you need to only be still."
I love how God correlates what we are going through in life with our current study. The verse above is something I share with a lot of people when I talk about my past because God did fight for me, so why not fight to be with him as well.

Back to our book club discussion: We discussed misplaced passions. Oh do I have a few of those. You bet! One of mine was facebook. I get on there and end up being on there for hours when I could be investing in much better things so I have made a goal to myself to not go on there for a week starting tomorrow. It's just a waste of hours of my time in the end. Another is I need to be more consistent in working out, taking care of myself. I love serving people and taking care of them, that I make myself like a last priority. SO I am working on that this next week too. One final 3rd misplaced passion was a tough one for me. One I really felt through prayer that God really brought to my attention. I guess you could call it friends. I am surrounded by a great community of friends, don't get me wrong. I spend a lot of time with girls from church and I believe that's a great thing. However, I really felt the Lord speaking to me that I was spending more time hanging out with Christian friends than I was with him. It was like I was feeling good about hanging out with all of them so much that I kinda put my time with the Lord on the backburner and that's definitely an issue. Yes, Christian fellowship is from the Lord and he loves it but God the only one that's gonna heal me, use me for his glory, help me to grow, etc. Im making a recovery plan as we speak and excited to go back to book club next time and share with the girls the progress I have made.

Sometimes God kinda quiets us and says just be still and spend time with me and that was what today was for me. I believe he does this for a reason and it always has a positive outcome.

I really want to be used in great ways by the Lord. We are here to glorify him and him alone. I really strive for living a life that honors the Lord. For the first time in a few years, I actually mean that. I know there are great things ahead but I know it will take work like anything in life. It will not be easy but I know that he will finish in me what he has started.

Paul addresses the Church

Last night I attended a small group that covered this passage

1 Corinthians 5

1It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that does not occur even among pagans: A man has his father's wife. 2And you are proud! Shouldn't you rather have been filled with grief and have put out of your fellowship the man who did this? 3Even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. And I have already passed judgment on the one who did this, just as if I were present. 4When you are assembled in the name of our Lord Jesus and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present, 5hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature[a] may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord.

6Your boasting is not good. Don't you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough? 7Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. 8Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old yeast, the yeast of malice and wickedness, but with bread without yeast, the bread of sincerity and truth.

9I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. 11But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.

12What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13God will judge those outside. "Expel the wicked man from among you."[b]

What a letter Paul wrote to the church. We disected this passage verse by verse last night. This passage really spoke to my heart and I can very much relate to it. It was a blessing for me to be able to share with the group last night some of my past.

The first thing that really struck me was the church's blatant disregard for their sexually immoral behavior. I think one of the worst sin's is knowing what's right and wrong in the eyes of the Lord and still doing what's wrong. I lived that life. But I believe I have a repentent heart and the church didn't find anything they were doing to be wrong. So many people within the walls of our churches today don't believe they are in the wrong.

Such a powerful verse in verse 5, 5hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature[a] may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord. The desire was to save the soul of the people acting like that but get rid of the sinful nature.

When your making home made bread, it's important to understand that if you have no yeast, it will turn out to be like a cracker. But if you have yeast, it turns out to be loaves of plenty. Just in the same,a little bad yeast can affect the whole loaf of bread--So can one sin here and one sin there turn out to be huge. When I was living for the world, I had a little sin there and here and before I knew it, I was drowning in sin, asking myself- Roxanne, What have you done?

When I came back to the church and recommitted my life to the Lord, it was partly due to the fact that God was fighting for my life. He sent people back into my life that spoke words of encouragement into my life. If it wasn't for Brothers and sister's in Christ coming to me and asking-Where have you been? What's going on in your life? Why are you conducting yourself in this way? I don't know if I would be sitting here, saturating myself in the word, writing this blog. I think we live in such a day and age where there are many people like I myself was in the church, living a life that was not pleasing to the Lord. I feel like we should be encouraged by reading this passage to say something to our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ if we see them slipping into a life of sin like I was. It's so important to be unified.

There so much that you could take from this passage and the one big thing for me is Surrender. It always comes back to surrender. It's so important to spend time with the Lord everyday. To fully surrender our lives to him everyday so that we are striving to live that holy, consecrated life that is in line with God's plan for us.

Bursting Heart...

OK, My heart is kinda bursting with stuff I want to share. In my study today, We went through Exodus and God's instructions to Moses. I can't tell you how many times I've read through out the years but it spoke something way different to me today. That's what I love about the seasons in our life, we go through. It can speak something totally different to your heart.

16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness..
2 Timothy 3:16

First though, we ready Romans 4:20-22-
20 Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, 21 being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. 22 This is why "it was credited to him as righteousness."

Last night someone shared a testimony with me that just had recently happened in their life. When he was sharing, he said how when he was praying God for healing, He really truly believe that God would heal him and the Lord did. Just is the same in the verse above in Romans. Abraham knew and trusted that God had and has the power to do what he promises. We shouldn't just be praying but believing in our hearts when we pray that God will Provide in whatever situation we are in. Pray with an expecting heart!

Talking about the Lord fulfilling his promises to us. There have been so many time when I have promised someone or God something but have failed big time on following through with those promises. I find myself wanting to promise so much to people but I can only guarantee very little to them. But I take heart in the fact that God, my father is the only one who can completely fulfill his promises and he will in fact do that. How awesome is it to know that Our God will fulfill everything he has promised. One promise I will share with you that the Lord has promised me is; that he would never leave me, he will finish what he started in me. You might think that sounds so normal or the Christian thing to say. But no, I have been through some terrible situations in the past few years because of decisions I made or roads I decided to take a detour on but still God is so faithful and still whispers to my heart, I wont leave you. I have a plan that I will finish within you. We have to believe in Gods faithfulness. Not just say we do but realllllllyyy believe.

Now we skip ahead to when God appeared to Moses in a burning bush.

There the angel of the LORD appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. Exodus 3:2

I just think how awesome it would be to be Moses in that setting and have the Lord appear to me in a burning bush. Wow. Moses was even instructed to take off his shoes because he was in the midst of Holy ground. God is that Holy, that majestic, that powerful. My prayer of lately is that the presence of God will fill my room so that I wouldn't be able to stand.

God instructs Moses to tell the Israelites that He is I AM. This stuff is so good! "Whatever our circumstances, challenges, doubts, pain, heartache--if we are in a covenant relationship with God through his Son, Jesus Christ, the King of the universe is our I AM and he is PRESENTLY I AM in every area of our life." WHOA! He is I AM. We don't have to stress cause he is the ever present I AM. PRAISE THE LORD! I'm telling you, this is huge and everyday my trust in the Lord meter is rising higher and higher!

I promise I'm almost done. Sorry this is so long. In Exodus 24, God gives instructions about his presence to different groups of people. He instructs the general public if you will to stay where they are, to not approach the Lord. He tells Aaron, Nadab, Abihu, and the 70 other elders to worship at a distance. He tells Moses to come up to him and approach the Lord alone. Again, I wish I was Moses in this setting where me and only me could approach the Lord alone, whoa! I imagine you couldn't even stand up in the presence of the Lord. What an image!

Nonetheless, God created us to enjoy his fellowship. However because of the disobedience in Genesis in the garden, the general masses would not experience the amazing glory of God's presence. Only few could go to that holy mountain and approach his most high. Just like the worship song,

"I'll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross."

I believe we will never truly comprehend the cost of sin until we finally are sitting at his throne and experience that un describable joy of being in his presence.

WOW! God doesn't need us but he wants us. I say this a lot because It portrays to me just how much the Lord wants to be in fellowship with us, he has called us to fellowship with him. It has been only a little over a week where I have fully been consistent and fellowshipping with him everyday and my life is enriched because of it. I'm disappointed it took me so long to see all this but grateful that I am growing in the Lord everyday!

The Potter's Hand...

This post is in relation to Wednesday..Just posting a little late!

I had a very filled day with my friend Harmony. We went to the gym, bank, bookstore, church, and then after wards spent some great time with the Lord in prayer and Worship.

For many months, I have wondered about what my direction in this current chapter in my life is? Do I move out of state? Where do I go?

I feel for the past few weeks the Lord has really been tugging at my heart and saying, "What if I have something amazing for you here. What If I have you where I want you geographically?"

In my youth pastor praying with me tonight, she said it so good. I think you have your answer Roxanne. God has been doing some amazing things in my life as of recent and this is just one of them. I feel that the more I pursue the Lord, the more he re awakens past passions and desires that I have had for Ministry. I know I am a woman who has been called to very great things within the Lord. I love being involved in ministry and seeing lives changed. I love seeing a room full of people worship the lord. It Brings great joy to my heart. I was able to be part of pre-service prayer tonight and just being there seeing young people after the Lord was incredible. I have an awesome story and I cannot wait to see the Lord use that for his glory.

Tonight after service, Harm and I came home and just prayed and worshipped the Lord. I feel so blessed to have sisters in Christ that I can do that with. It brings great joy to my heart.

My study today was about God and Abraham. How God told Abraham to leave his country and go where the Lord would show him and he would bless Abraham. The Lord would take care of him. I pray that I could have that same faith and trust in the Lord. To know wherever I am at in life, that God is going to take care of me. He is going to finish what he started. How awesome is it to know that we serve a God that will always take care of us. Rest in that today my friends. Be still and know that he is God and he leads us through valleys to stand on the mountain to shout his praise. Surrender is key in our walk with God. Surrender surrender surrender!

A people for his name...

Remember the former things, those of long ago;
I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me.

10 I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say: My purpose will stand,
and I will do all that I please.

11 From the east I summon a bird of prey;
from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose.
What I have said, that will I bring about;
what I have planned, that will I do.
Isaiah 46:9-11

It stood out to me today that no matter what, God will perform his will. We can either be part of this amazing process in our lives or we can part of the problem. For the past few years in my life, I was part of the problem. I am glad to be part of the process now. I think it's important to realize that God may change the process or the person like in my case but he will never change his plan. But what a blessing it is when you adapt to agree with God and participate in his plan.

Beth Moore has said, if your Christian, your called! So true. I often find that when God calls us to something, we often are having to leave our comfort zones and be in the midst of the unfamiliar which is scary. I am experiencing this right now in my life. But I have to trust that he DOES have the plan and he will not leave me or let me down. We are here to glorify the Lord. That is our purpose and how great a purpose that is, no matter what he is calling us to. I pray that my heart would be softened and that I would always hear what he is calling me to But What a great plan to be part of.