Happy Friday!

It's a very good day! My parents left town for a couple weeks so I'm staying at their house watching over things which is a huge blessing for me to get away from my current living situation and kinda just relax.

I am really looking forward to next week. I am a volunteer for Young Champions and I know it's gonna be a great week of impacting young children's lives.

I've been applying for so many jobs because I don't want to wait tables anymore and today I still felt real Joy at my current job because I felt God saying, I'm still going to use you. That felt really good. Some of you know I'm on a new positive outlook on life and I'm trying to implement this in every area of my life. Work is the hardest area so I felt major progress today :)

I just feel very at peace knowing that I'm in the palm of God's hands.

Have a great weekend everyone! :)

JOY JOY JOY

I attended book club tonight with the Ladies and It was so very inspiring, uplifting and encouraging!

I really felt encouraged in so many areas and it was a great night indeed. Tonight, we talked about PAIN. Such a sore subject in my life but I feel so blessed I can have community with these ladies and we can all openly share our joys, and sorrows with each other.

For years I have dealt with so much pain, whether it be in relationships, family situations, losing a loved one, just life happening, etc. One thing my mentor has talked to me about is JOY. I look back and realize that wow, I can really be a negative person. Joy is not situational and trust me I have to constantly remind myself of that. It's on my bedroom wall! No joke! She really inspires me because she is very optimistic, always looking for the positive in things. I need to strive for that. No matter the situation, I need to look for joy, for the positive, for the good side, for the fact that God has me here and wants to teach me something BIG and I need to be open to that. I certainly don't want to look back and say wow, look at all the time I wasted being negative.

I'm really learning to let go. Just let it all go, everything from my past. I was really encouraged by my friend Crystal who was talking about her co workers and how they don't have anyone they can give their crud too and I do so Why not just let it go! Go, be gone!

Tonight we talked about living in the moment, for the now. I don't want to look back again and feel like where did that time in my life go because I was so concerned with things I don't even need to worry about because I know God has it figured out. I'm not gonna be that girl that says well if this happens, then Ill be happy. If I could only finish school, then I'll be happy. If I can only get married and have a family, then I'll feel complete and I could go on and on. I'm gonna be that girl that Is happy with the now and what God has given me. Be that girl that seeks the Lords face everyday and lives day to day, not planning whats next but focusing on what God has for me NOW

A thing I have struggled with is "being on the right track". I have been consumed with this as of recent. Wanting to feel like I am making progress, moving forward. When I feel God says,"come as your are and your desire to be on the right track is good enough.Let me be your everything and that's all it takes."

So lets kinda recap! :)

I'm gonna be full of Joy! I want to be the type of person where People say, wow she is always happy and optimistic!! Looking for joy in every situation!

I'm gonna let all the past crud go because I want to go deeper with Jesus and I don't need to hold onto that stuff. My future and present is in Jesus.

I'm gonna live in the now and stop planning what I have no control over!

I'm gonna make Jesus my everything and seek his face and just BE with him!

This stuff is going to change my life.

JOY JOY JOY!!! What joy for those who's hope is in the Lord. About time I live that out!

Brokeness

Wow. Last night was really intense. We had a bonfire/worship night a girls house in the young adults group. I had a hard couple weeks and to be brutally honest didn't really feel like going last night but knew that was a sign I needed to go. I showed u and made conversation with people and it started out good. Although I have to admit, I was one conversation away from crying.

There I was sitting in this circle, listening to the worship music be played and listening to the voices singing along, sitting next to one of my best friends. I sang a long and stared at the page of words. Amazing Grace was being sung and I just started to cry. I asked my friend to please pray with me and I cried even more. I felt like God opened up his floodgates upon me.

A prayer I have recently been praying a lot was that God would give me distaste for the things he hates and that he would please break me. I felt discouraged lately because I didn't feel like he was breaking me but last night, oh I felt brokeness.

I looked across the circle to my youth pastor's wife and my mentor. I signaled for them to come talk with me. My youth pastors wife came first and she took me into a room. I was uncontrollably sobbing and sobbing. I asked her to please just pray for me. I felt so broken and couldn't control my emotions. It was apparent God was ministering to me. She held me so tight and prayed for me and through that I felt so blessed, I felt like through her God was wrapping his arms around me. I was speechless during prayer, I could barely talk. I could feel God inside my bones. All I could do is cry out to Jesus, I want more of you, more of you Jesus.

She told me how some people are just craving to be broken like that and consider it a blessing, this is a good thing. Afterall, this is what I had been praying for. My Mentor came in next. I sobbed to her too. I'm telling you, the presence of God was so heavy on me. I told her my feelings of feeling like I'm not moving forward and wanting to feel good enough. She shared with me how She feels I'm being attacked my depression and she was right on. Depression is what I felt for the past 2 weeks. She teaches me so much, she is such a blessing. As she prayed with me and held me tight too, she teared up a little and I don't know why but it's so amazing to me when God speaks through your mentor to you, when she can cry with you.

So today, I am basking in my brokeness. Grateful that I can just cry in the presence of God. I want more and more of him everyday. I know God is wanting to heal me and I have to allow him to do that. My youth pastor said something last night along the lines of make Jesus your everything and all the rest will fall into place. The little things we stress about will work out, but make Jesus your everything.

1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-

3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,

4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,

5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:

8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.

9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;

10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;

12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.

15 As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;

16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.

17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-

18 with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.

20 Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.

21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.

22 Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the LORD, O my soul.

Old Appetites

Today was called Old Appetites. About choosing God or choosing the World. I went through this a little over a year ago. I went through a series of serious events that led me to my knees, no joke.

God posed a very serious question to me and I had to really decide who I would live for. The world or Jesus. Thankfully by God's amazing grace, I chose Jesus.

Beth Moore had a lot of good points to make today that I would like to reflect on.

1. Often, our character is at greater risk in prosperity than in adversity. Wow, right? So true. Not all of God's tests are hardships.. Meaning I think God often will test us through abundance and prosperity. It's so easy to buy into Satan's lie that we had something to do with our Provisions! So wrong, it was no one but God who provides for us everyday. When we have plenty we tend to sometimes forget the source of that bounty. Im going through a time where I love to constantly remember what God has done for me. I think it's so important to remember the fruits in our life.

2. Then the Lord said to Moses, “Look, I’m going to rain down food from heaven for you. Each day the people can go out and pick up as much food as they need for that day. I will test them in this to see whether or not they will follow my instructions.
Exodus 16:4

I definitely feel like I'm in a much growing season of my life with the Lord where everyday he like ok, I'm gonna test you and see if your gonna follow my instructions. Wow.

So I have a past like many people and it's not a good one. There such the basic thing you learn growing up in the church to just give it over to God. Im going through this right now, In order for me to go any deeper right now, I have to give my past to him, to let go of the hurt, pain, bad choices, etc. Why do we want to hold onto bad stuff anyway? It's not good stuff. Maybe because it's a part of me. But God wants to change me and I know I need to just let it go so I can allow him to cleanse me.

I feel like some of the things im learning right now are so childish but yet so very important. Last week really got the best of me and it's a prime example why I need to guard myself in Jesus everyday. Because without him, I'm lost.