A wavering heart...

On Sunday after church, My mom and I went out to Brunch to Celebrate Mother's day. I was disappointed my dad had to work and couldn't join us and neither could any of my siblings. However, I feel the Lord orchestrated it like that for a reason. My mom and I had a great time just talking for a few hours. I was talking to her about my life and my walk with the Lord.

I began to talk about how I didn't understand my heart most of the time. In high school, I was such a devout follower of the Lord. I never missed youth group, I was very involved as a leader, going on every trip I could, pouring into the Lives of young people, Assisting my youth pastors as much as I could, planning events, leading prayer group, and etc. I told her how I didn't understand why from after high school up until about 8 months ago, I wavered so much with my walk with the Lord. I feel like I wasted some serious time but also some Big things happened in my life which do strengthen us and make us who we are today.

She began to be motherly and tell me how proud she is of me considering everything I have been through. She got this big smile on her face and told the story of how every morning she got up she would see me on my knees, praying and spending time with the Lord and how happy that made her. She said, Roxanne- You have to get back into a disciplined life of spending time with JESUS first thing everyday because that's the most important thing. I knew right away-SHE IS SO RIGHT. I haven't been as disciplined as I should be. My desire is to be known as a great Woman of God. Just like anything in life, we don't achieve this over night. It takes time and discipline.

I'm really going through a huge season of surrender in my life right now. In every aspect you can imagine. There are so many things that I really need to surrender to the Lord and it's time to give it up to him for good and let him have it. I recently encountered a disappointing situation in my life last week and it hurt my heart very much and in praying and asking why, The Lord whispering just surrender to me.

I was praying today that the Lord would really show me what it means to be dedicated to him and it was amazing because I was reminded of this passage I read in CRAZY LOVE.

I hear a lot of people say that they think Joy is dependent on the flowing of circumstances in our life however I have learned that Joy is a choice just like Dedication. We have to choose to be dedicated, joyful, happy, etc. The bible has taught us that joy is formed in the most difficult seasons of our life which I find to be so incredible true.

CRAZY LOVE says this:
A person who is obsessed with Jesus is more concerned with his or her character than comfort.(For so long when I wasn't a devout follower of the Lord, I was so consumed by what made me comfortable in groups of people rather than my character, sad I know). Obsessed people know that true joy doesn't depend on circumstances or environment; it is a gift that must be chosen and cultivated, a gift that ultimately comes from God. James 1:2-4

A person who is obsessed with Jesus knows that the best thing he can do is be faithful to his savior in every aspect of his life, continually saying, "Thank you" to God. An obsessed person knows there can never be intimacy if he is always trying to pay God back or work hard enough to be worthy. He revels in his role as child and friend of God.

WOW! Some might think being obsessed with Jesus is crazy but it's not. Jesus is obsessed with me and fighting for me so I should do the same for him.

Dedication is not easy by any means but this is my prayer and what I'm focusing on this week. Being dedicated to the Lord, being faithful and trusting in him, spending time with him, loving him, reflecting him in my life because I truly don't want to live any other kind of life.

Faith is moving without knowing

Dear lover of my soul,
Would you open up my heart so I can see, hear, and know, and love you more. I want to be your servant and give you all of me. Will you please show me what it is to be dedicated to you oh Jesus. Give me strength and guide me because I cannot do this without you. Open doors where you would have me walk through and shut doors you don't want me to go through. Heal my heart and make me like you oh Lord. I love you and Praise you Jesus for what you have done in my life and what your going to do. Use me Jesus.
Amen